I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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