I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
