Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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