paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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