I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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