What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
whose parrot is this?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
