We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Houston, we have a blender
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
