you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
