Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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