My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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