I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
