in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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