She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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