She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
