What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
