We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
