I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He? As in you personified your dick?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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