Four minutes until I can fart!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
