dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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