I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
