I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
