sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
