happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
