So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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