a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize