I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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