if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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