She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
