okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
