god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
