I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
