the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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