Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
