Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
