So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
