hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
