just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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