I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
