I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
