see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
