YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
