Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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