im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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