You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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