and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
