Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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