apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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