I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
