how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
