I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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