The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
