I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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