I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
