I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize