Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
