dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
