I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
