Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
