I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize