i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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