I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
