so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
