I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
