Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
