I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
