Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
