Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
