I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
