Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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