Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
