all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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