We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
